Happy New Year: Just Ruined The Happiness

Director: Farah Khan

Production: Red Chilies Entertainmet

Cast: Shah Rukh Khan, Deepika Padukone, Sonu Sood, Boman Irani, Vivaan Shah, Abhishek Bachchan, Jackie Sheroff

Now, I’m a lenient reviewer as I believe that every film deserves a chance. Sadly, Happy New Year broke that carefully formed trust.

Simply put, HNY is an extremely stupid, annoying and immature Bollywood version of Ocean’s Eleven.

Charlie (SRK with a blonde lock of hair…gross) wants revenge against Grover (ugly Jackie Sheroff), who cheated and caused the death of Manohar (read: Misuse of Anupam Kher).

So Charlie teams up with a bunch of goofy friends, Jag (A hot but deaf Sonu Sood), Tammy ( middle-aged heartthrob Boman Irani), Rohan (a cute Vivaan Shah), and Nandu Bhide (Abhishek Bachchan has keede in his dimag to take on this role).

ALL these guys have something to pick on Grover, and so decide to steal his diamonds at the Shalimar. However, there is also a World Dance Championship on the same day, same place, same time.. So, the ONLY way to steal the diamonds is through the WDC. And none of the five can dance.

So enter Mohini Joshi (Deepika Padukone essaying an extremely sexist role), a bar dancer who teaches the five. The five learn dancing, get qualified to the WDC through Rohan, the hacker, and somehow manage to impress everyone in the UAE post their egg-and-tomato entrance.

If this bullshit isn’t enough to rot your mind, here’s the scoop: Charlie always insults Mohini, but Mohini always stays back. Reason? Not love, idiot. Mohini loves people who speak ‘the English’ as she cannot speak ‘the English’. So genius tolerates abuse from Charlie many times over.

The only reason I sat through the film was because of Sonu Sood and Vivaan Shah. Ah, and also for a few songs. Maybe Indiawaale  might be top-notch, Manwa Laage the sweetest, Nonsense Ki Night the funniest, and Lovely the most daring, but to me, Satakli is the best. My mind has kicked out the notion that every movie deserves a chance.

Please, please don’t watch HNY unless you want a splitting headache AND your New Year ruined at the wrong time.

Leaving for the pharmacy to get an aspirin. Sorry, Farah.



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