Letting It Go

I’m back there again. Lying on the pillow-cover, damp with my tears. Clutching the Nokia E63, hanging onto whatever is left of my life. The darkness is all-consuming.

Memories course through me. Or rather, they don’t. A person who cared for me was dead, and I don’t remember even a single thing about him. Not even his face. The guilt swallowed me up, choking me, strangling me.

I scream silently. Tears streak my face. Red and puffy, my eyes are trying to secrete as many water droplets as they can. Their salty taste do not quench my thirst.

Why am I like this? Why am I so thankless, heartless? Why do I go through life as if it’s another one of my books – quick and speedy? Why don’t I remember little acts of kindness done to me? Why am I friendless? Why don’t people like me? Why am I ugly?

As these meaningless stream of thoughts flow along with the tears, I scream silently again. The next scream is struck in my throat – neither in nor out. I sob quietly. Praying that they wash away my failures.

I hear the strains of Iridescent. My mobile. I almost forgot. I focus on the lyrics, trying to drown my noisy thoughts.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation/ You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known/ Remember all the sadness and frustration/ Then let it go/ Let it go…

Suddenly, I felt light-hearted again. Why do I need to struggle with so much negativity when I could let it all go? Let it all wash over me?

Thank you, Mike Shinoda, for helping me remember that it’s best not to hang on to stuff that hurts. That leaving painful things behind helps us to move forward.

And that’s what I did.

I let it go.

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Phoenix

Crashing dreams,

Crumbling hopes,

Cataclysm raining,

As everything comes to an end.

Squeezed out of life,

Suffocated under broken thoughts,

Struggling to breathe,

What can you do?

Rise from the ashes,

Like a phoenix,

Gold and scarlet,

Bright and burning.

Loyal and faithful,

Like a phoenix,

Steadfast and sturdy,

Head held high.

Why chose to die forever,

When you can rise,

From dead thoughts and hopes,

Like a phoenix?

Inspired by Linkin Park’s Iridescent and Mara Eastern’s Poetry 101 Rehab.

Linkin Park: Love For Life

Who doesn’t like Linkin Park? It is one of the best bands the world has ever seen, and their intangible music stirs hearts and souls. Their lyrics make sense, their music rocks, and their voices are heavenly. This deadly combo is what attracts people back again and again.

Here are some of my favourite LP songs with a few powerful lyrics:

  1. Numb I’ve become so numb/ I can’t feel you there / I’ve become so tired / So much more aware / I’m becoming this / All I want to do / Is be more like me / And be less like you
  2. New Divide –  So give me reason / To prove me wrong / To wash this memory clean / Let the floods cross / The distance in your eyes / Across this new divide
  3. In The End I tried so hard / And got so far / Butt in the end / It doesn’t even matter / I had to fall / To lose it all / But in the end / It doesn’t even matter
  4. Iridescent Do you feel cold / And lost in desperation / You build up hope / But failure’s all you’ve known / Remember all the sadness and frustration / Then let it go / Let it go
  5. Papercut – It’s like I’m paranoid lookin’ over my back / It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head / It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within / It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin

Have fun listening!

Mads